About 4 million years ago some bright spark had the idea to climb down out of the trees and start a second life on the ground.
For the following 999,999 years the arguments raged....
“ugggg..... good idea”
“ugggg ..bad idea.”
“ugggg..... good idea.”
Some people voiced an opinion of this discussion... “uggg... you all pain in the bum’ and took off to see the world.
As they travelled north, (the south was too hot) they noticed at certain times of the year that the sun was in danger of falling out of the sky.
“uggg.... me very worried”
“uggg... sun going too low.”
So...they called in the witch doctor....
“uggg...give me all your food and I make sun go up again.”
And for the next 2,998,000 years the witch doctors got all the food in mid winter, stuffed themselves stupid and gave the left-overs the gods couldn’t eat to their fans.
Having also, by this time, started a festival to ensure the proper procreation of the tribe a few months later by which time they had digested all the food and were ready for some serious procreation.
Now, seeing that this state of affairs was really rather beneficial, with two good holidays every year, one for food and one for sex, some bright spark decided that they rather fancied being the god keeper.
After being turned down for the job on many occasions the upstart decided to start up his own god, who some say was called Brian, others Jesus.
Well, he never looked back... and over the next 2000 years this upstart and his followers managed to discredit the old witch doctors and get all the grub and gals for themselves.
The religious entrepreneurs spread their net fairly rapidly around the globe moving into card manufacturing, panattone and brussel sprout farming, followed up by chocolate egg production and chocolate bunny sales.
Things looked good for a while.....
...but it won’t last....